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Here is a Link to my portfolio. I look forward to the helpful comments that you guys will leave.

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  1. Hi Charley,

    I want to start by saying I like the layout of the storybook and think it looks clean. I also like the background color on "A Guiding Spirit" and the image fits the story very well. As for the story itself, I thought you did a good job of providing a good amount of detail but I think you can improve on that even more. Just how was the exhaustion and fatigue affecting the body? What did this spirit look like and how did it sound? What kind of emotion did he go through when he finally saw the buck and killed it? I like the twist at the end, the thought that the spirit might not have actually been a spirit and could've been a hallucination instead. Also, I think the wording throughout the story could be changed so that ideas and events flow naturally from one to the next. Good story!

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  2. Hi Charley, First off I want to say wow! Your layout is very nice and easy to navigate. I was looking through your stories and could not find an introduction though? I thought all the sites had to have an introduction? Anyways, your story of "A Guiding Spirit" was really cool and the images really fit well with the story. I never heard of any of those stories before so it was neat getting to see how much work you put into it. One thing that I had questions on was how much the narrator was being afflicted by his exhaustion. Similar to the comment above, I too was curious about what the spirit might have sounded or looked like? Perhaps one thing that you could add that might really pull the readers in was would be add more imagery to the story. Such imagery like describing in more vivid detail what the spirit looked and sounded like could really add a spooky twist to the stories! Especially now since it is coming towards spooky season.

    Anyways, I look forward to reading more of your stories!!

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  3. Hi Charley. I love the layout of your portfolio. I am, personally, creating a storybook so I don't what all goes with the portfolio but it is very clean looking. It is set up very well and was simple to navigate. The pictures that you chose for your homepage and story were both immaculate and stunning. They caught my eye and made me want to explore the website even more and read the stories that were with the pictures. As I read the story, I really enjoyed it and thought it really accompanied the picture well. For me, details are key for stories and one detail that was missing was some about the spirit. As a reader, I was wondering what it looked like and if it had any sound to it. Spirits usually have some type of sound or voice with them. One suggestion that I would have for the website is the coloring. I found it a tad bit hard to read the text as there was white in the picture that was the background. It isn't a huge deal but it is something that could help others when reading your stories.

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  4. As I was reading your story I thought wow I feel like I read this before... and I did! Anyways, this time I read your new story about you getting milk at the store and how it was a dirty chai in the end! What a weird ending! I felt really lost haha! You did really good with the author's notes explaining why you ended it the way that it did as it was so abrupt I felt like I bruised myself. One thing that I was wondering is why it ended so abruptly? Perhaps you could explain in the author's notes why that is the case. I think that could really add some much needed detail to that important part of abrupt! Also, the word fantastically gave me a chuckle.

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  5. Hello!
    First off, I am also a psych major, so it was very interesting to see how the stories you provided have a psychological spin to them. Psychology is such a cool subject and it truly ties into whatever is going on at that moment, so great work!! My comments today will be based on the story "A Charley Tells a Tale". First, I thought it was cool how you made the character have your name; the roommate situation made the story really come to life, and it felt as though you were just talking to me in person. What would the turn out be if the start and end did end up being on the same page? It would be cool to see the story go full-circle from start to end, but that's just a suggestion! I also agree with how I tell embellished stories as well. Also, what made you get a dirty Chai in the end? Just curious!

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  6. Hi Charley,

    I liked your first story, and thought it was an interesting recontextualization of some of the basic ideas that so many of the stories we see in this course seem to rest on.

    The second story felt somewhat disconnected, I’ll admit. I know you’re not going for a specific topic, but I’ll admit it didn’t seem connected in theme either. That’s not necessarily a problem — you can certainly just compile stories you liked — but if there was a consistent theme you were trying to emphasize, it may need to be brought out more in the second story.

    In your second story, maybe it would make it easier to read if you broke out the dialogue into more paragraphs? It’s a little awkward, I think, to have something of the form “Charley replied that he was getting there.” after we’ve just heard dialogue from Charley directly. Maybe replace this description of the speech with some explicit dialogue?

    Best,
    A.M.

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  7. Hey Charley!

    I really like the way that you told the story. I’ve always been a huge fan of leaving the main characters in a sort of mystery state, where you really don’t know much about them or their past. I also liked how you used vivid words to describe the spirit, the hunt, and how the man prepared to set out. The overall theme for the story was extremely obvious, to not lose hope and give up – there are always happy days coming up. He saved his tribe, learned a very important lesson, and saw how to take care of those below him. Normally, when I think of spirits, I think of the evil-type (maybe that’s modern day Hollywood seeping into my thoughts) but I really liked how the spirit was there to encourage and make the man better. Terrific story, and I can’t wait to see what you write next!

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  8. Hey Charley! I love the idea of you just compiling stories you like, changing them a bit, and putting them into your storybook. It's a really cool idea! I really liked the layout of your storybook. It was easy to read and follow along with. I also like the illustrations and pictures you've included! For your first story, I think the writing was really nice. I like that you worded your sentences in a way that made the story sound more mystical. It was really cool too, at the end, when you talked about how there may not have actually been a spirit there at all. It really makes the reader think harder about the story, looking for signs that the man was hallucinating the whole time. I really liked your second story as well! It was really creative and fun to read. I have to ask though (and this may be a stupid question), what happened to the milk money? Did he spend it on the dirty chai? Maybe I missed the part where it said where the money went... or maybe the story isn't supposed to say where the money went, and that's the point? Either way, great job, it was really entertaining!

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  9. Hey Charley!
    So I read your story "A Guiding Spirit," and I really enjoyed it. I also thought the photo and the theme of that page was perfect for the story. I think on the other pages of your storybook you could add maybe better or more creative banner images to give it a little something extra. I thought the way in which you wrote your story made it easy to follow and understand. However, I would have liked to have a little bit more detailed put in the story. I think you could go way into depth about what the spirit was like, what it looked like, how it acted, etc. Overall, I think you have a really good start to your storybook. The story is really interesting and I am excited to see what psychological twist you put on your other stories.
    -Sam

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  10. Hey Charley,

    I think you did a wonderful job with "A Guiding Spirit." "The Indian Who Wrestled A Ghost" was the first story that I used as an inspiration in this class, so I can see where your inspiration came from as well! The psychological twist at the end was brilliant. I do think, however, that you could have incorporated some of those psychological thoughts throughout the story. The color scheme, in my opinion, worked very well with that theme. "A Charley Tells a Tale", on the other hand, was a whole different theme. It was a very entertaining story. At first, I thought that you were simply just telling us an actual story of a personal experience. Once I got to the part about the monkey with the money, I was like "ah, okay". I loved that you took a story, and modernized it. I really like the fact that you made yourself the main character, and I can imagine what your personality must be like because of that. The only thing I would really recommend is to proofread (I noticed a typo somewhere). I'm sorry I don't have much other feedback to give!

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  11. Hey Charley!

    I read the story that you drew inspiration from, and can say without a doubt that you captured the essence of that story. I personally didn’t like the original story, but yours added a more self-aware aspect to just how ridiculous it was. An instance of not taking your story seriously (by adding some comic bits) was when you drank the gold after thinking how you shouldn’t (or normally, couldn’t) and then traded it in for a drink. The story itself was full of nice descriptors/comic imagery that helped proceed the plot in a very fever dream type of way. From describing the barrel of monkeys to just having yourself/your roommate be completely okay with tons of bizarre things happening. By setting this story in a modern setting, with you at the center, you’re able to highlight just how silly the plot points are – how crazy the tons of things that happened to you. Great story!

    Andrew

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  12. Hey Charley! I really enjoyed both of your stories. I think that your portfolio is very unique. One thing I did notice was the layout of your portfolio did not seem to be the same across the board. I think that the picture that you use in each story should be similar in order to help the portfolio flow more together. Your first story was very well written. Your second story was quite hilarious. At first, I did not see how you were retelling an old story or if you were creating your own new story. I realized once I kept reading that I had read a similar story this year but did not enjoy it like I did yours. I think adding in as much description as you did help me picture the monkey, the big hole he fell into, and the Starbucks incident. I also thought that you did a great job leading up to the ending. I was so curious the whole time what happened to everything that Charley experienced on the way and why he had no groceries. Overall, I enjoyed both stories but I would adjust the layout some so that your portfolio can have the same themes across.

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  13. Hi Charley! I liked the image you chose for the background of your first story, "A Guiding Spirit;" it helped me descend into the mood of the story itself. I really enjoyed reading that last speculative paragraph that invites the audience to consider a wide variety of possibilities regarding the identity of the ghost. It was genuinely thought-provoking! However, the transition into that paragraph threw me off a little, so you could try inserting some kind of break that would indicate a change in narration. I struggled a little to see how the second story fit into your theme of psychology, but nevertheless, I thought it was a fun piece to read. I was confused by the choppy ending but I'm glad your author's note expanded upon that a bit more and gave it context. Reading your summary of the source material makes me want to go back and read it for myself. Good luck on the rest of your portfolio!

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  14. Hi Charley!
    I really liked the layout of your storybook! It was super neat and simplistic which I really enjoyed. I thought it was one of the easier storybooks to navigate for sure. I really enjoyed each of your stories! I thought you were able to bring the characters to life with the descriptive words that you added. I also thought that it was very easy to visual the characters and the setting in my head. One thing I am confused about is that I do not see an introduction. I really had no idea what I was going to be reading about and I had to read over the stories a couple of times to make sense of them. I think that a introduction would really tie everything together quite nicely because it would allows to get an insight into what we are going to read. Overall, I really enjoyed your storybook and cannot wait to read more.

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  15. Hey Charley, I just read your first two stories and I really enjoyed them! I love how you personalize the design for each page depending on the mood you want to set. I can tell the first story is supposed to be a little more serious, while your second story is obviously going to be a little more upbeat. Your writing is very descriptive, which just drew me into your story more. You also do a great job of switching up the writing style between your first and second stories. Both stories are written from the 3rd-person omniscient point of view, but the language is different. Your first story is much more narrative, while your second one is very conversational. I was curious as to why you chose to personify the monkey in your second story. Is it a glimpse of the writing from the story that inspired this one, or is it just the personal twist you wanted to add to the story? I'm not sure that it fits completely in the context of the story, but it was entertaining nonetheless!

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  16. Hi Charley!

    I really like the idea of your storybook a lot. I always enjoy reading spins on classic tales told in a modern sense. I read your story about getting some groceries, and I immediately thought it was very funny as my roommates and I often have to make similar runs. I thought it was very clever how you applied the original story after reading the author's note. I also liked your characterization of both roommates, I thought it fit the theme of the story very well. The only thing I'd have to say is that I had no idea what your actual stories were going to be about, because there was not much of an introduction. However, you are doing an amazing job at actually writing the stories, and they are very entertaining! I look forward to reading more!

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  17. Hi Charley,

    I'm back! This time I read "A Charley Tells a Tale" and thought it was hilarious! I also would've chosen a barrel full of monkeys over a week's worth of groceries. I like the amount of detail in the story such as the part where Jacob rolled his eyes at Charley. I wonder why all these crazy events are happening to Charley? Is there something about him that causes this? It's interesting that $20 can pay for a week's worth of groceries while Starbucks exists. How is Charley sad about getting gold instead of his coffee? He must not value money all that much. Charley seemed pretty excited about getting his dirty chai. What happened to the milk that he was supposed to get? Was he not going to get the milk all along? Jacob must've been pretty frustrated that all Charley cared about was getting his dirty chai instead of the milk. Anyway good story!

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  18. Hi Charley!

    I just finished reading through the first two stories in your portfolio - "A Guiding Spirit" and "A Charley Tells a Tale" - and I think you've created some interesting reads. I did have a little difficulty with the background for "A Guiding Spirit," because even though the picture is cool and goes well with the content of the story, the white text on that background was a little distracting. Other than that, though, your website looks pretty good! I thought your contemplative ending to that story was interesting as well, but I wondered if it might work better in the form of an author's note? I don't know, it just seemed like a bit of an abrupt change from the actual story. That said, I think it might be interesting if you were to add something a little more contemplative like that in the story about you going for milk. You mention that your stories are often not exactly true - maybe dig into that a little more? Consider that a little more philosophically, like you did at the end of "A Guiding Spirit." Just a thought :) good luck with the end of the semester!

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  19. Hello!

    I enjoyed reading your stories! I recognized the story source for your “little cub” story and I really like how you had adapted it to make it fit this new one. I thought it was very sad how the girl lost her family and thought it was cute that she had her little cub as a friend. From reading the original story I thought the cub would be real too so I was surprised when it turned out to just be a stuffed teddy bear. The “Charley tells a tale” story was really interesting as well. I was really confused where it was all going and I’m still not sure about it now but it was fun to read since it had me keep guessing what would happen next. That was also kind of how I felt about the “check your checking” story. On this one, however, it all made sense at the end and I thought it was really funny because I know that when I’m studying I’ll check my phone very frequently but most of the time it’s all for nothing. I did have one semester when I had to write a research paper in a day due to my procrastination and this story brought back that feeling I had that day too. I wasn’t checking grammar or spelling I was just writing for the sake of writing. Great job!

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